A divorce mediation consultation can help you understand the process before you commit to joint sessions. You may be wondering what it costs, whether you need an attorney, or how you could possibly sit down with someone when every conversation becomes an argument.
You do not need a perfectly organised case or all the answers before making an enquiry. A useful starting point is a clear description of what you need help with and a few questions about how the mediator works.
This guide focuses on what to ask before booking, so you can take the next step with a clearer sense of the process, the fees and the support you may need.
What is a divorce mediation consultation?
The word “consultation” can mean different things to different practitioners. It might be a brief introductory call, a paid individual intake meeting, or an initial session involving both parties. Ask what the appointment includes before you book.
An introductory discussion usually gives you an opportunity to explain the broad issues, ask about the mediator’s experience and understand the proposed process. It should also help the mediator consider whether mediation may be suitable for your circumstances.
It is different from asking someone to represent you or decide who is right. A mediator facilitates discussions and helps parties explore possible agreements. They do not take over the decisions.
For a broader explanation of the process and the issues it can address, read our family law mediation guide.
Seven questions to ask before you book
1. Do you have experience with the issues we need to discuss?
“We are getting divorced” is a starting point, but it does not tell the mediator everything. You might need help with a parenting schedule, communication about the children, maintenance discussions, or proposed arrangements concerning property and finances.
Describe the main concerns briefly and ask about relevant mediation training and experience. Where your matter involves complex financial or legal questions, ask how the mediator works alongside attorneys or other professionals.
The mediator’s original profession can be useful context, but it is also worth asking about their specific mediation experience and approach.
2. What does the first appointment include?
Check who should attend, how long the appointment is expected to take and whether it is an introductory discussion or the beginning of substantive negotiations. Ask whether each person will have a separate intake or screening discussion.
Also ask what happens after the appointment. Will the mediator send an agreement to mediate, request documents, contact the other party or propose dates? Knowing the next step makes the process easier to plan.
3. How are fees calculated, and what is included?
Ask for the fee structure in writing. An hourly rate does not necessarily tell you the total cost, because preparation, additional meetings and drafting may also take time.
- Is the introductory consultation charged?
- Are fees hourly, per session or per day?
- Is VAT included where applicable?
- Are preparation, correspondence and drafting charged separately?
- Is a deposit required, and what are the cancellation terms?
- How will the parties agree to share the costs?
You can explain your budget and ask what can realistically be covered within it. The mediator may be able to give an initial estimate, but a fixed outcome or number of sessions should not be assumed.
MPA profiles include fee information for many panel members. Confirm the current rate and scope directly with the selected mediator before booking.
4. How will you help us participate fairly?
If one person tends to dominate conversations, it is reasonable to ask how the mediator manages speaking time, interruptions and private discussions. Ask how breaks are handled and what happens if either party feels unable to continue productively.
If there is a history of intimidation, abuse or fear, raise this privately when arranging the appointment. Do not wait until a joint session to mention it. The mediator needs to assess suitability and consider whether safeguards, a different process or another service are needed. Mediation is not suitable for every situation.
5. Can we meet online, and what would we need?
Online sessions may help where people live in different places or have difficult schedules. Ask whether the mediator offers them and how documents and private discussions are managed.
Each participant needs a private space, a reliable connection and the ability to speak without someone listening or prompting off camera. If privacy at home is difficult, discuss alternatives before confirming the booking.
6. What information should we prepare?
Ask for a document list that matches your issues. A parenting discussion may need school calendars and proposed schedules. A financial discussion may require income information, an expense summary and relevant records.
You do not need to send a large bundle of sensitive documents with your first enquiry. Ask how information should be shared securely and what the mediator actually needs at that stage.
7. When should we obtain independent legal advice?
A mediator’s role differs from that of your own attorney. Even where the mediator is legally qualified, acting as mediator does not mean they represent either party.
Ask how legal advice fits into the process, whether attorneys will attend any sessions, and how proposed terms will be reviewed and recorded. Before signing, make sure you understand the implications for your circumstances. Mediation itself does not finalise a divorce, and any required legal or court steps still need to be addressed.
Prepare a short summary instead of your whole history
When a relationship has been difficult for a long time, it can be hard to decide where to start. A short summary helps the mediator understand the practical issues without requiring you to retell every painful event in the first enquiry.
Write down:
- The main issues you would like help discussing.
- Whether children are involved and their ages.
- Whether there are existing agreements, court orders or proceedings.
- Any upcoming dates that need attention.
- Your availability, location and preference for online or in-person meetings.
- Any concerns about safety or your ability to participate freely.
You could say: “We need help discussing the children’s weekday routine, school holidays and shared expenses. There is an existing arrangement, but we disagree about how it works in practice. Please explain your intake process, fees and availability.”
A request like this gives the mediator something concrete to respond to. It does not require you to persuade them that your version of events is the correct one.
What if the other person has not agreed to mediation?
You can enquire about the process before both parties are ready. Tell the mediator that the other person has not yet agreed, and ask how invitations are usually handled.
An enquiry from one person is not a joint mediation appointment. The mediator will need to establish the arrangements for participation before substantive joint work can proceed.
Keep an invitation practical: explain the issues you hope to discuss and invite the other person to learn about the process. Avoid presenting mediation as a way to force them to accept your proposal.
If children are involved, ask about their needs
Ask how the mediator keeps discussions focused on the children’s needs and how their views may be considered appropriately. Children should not be asked to choose between parents or carry messages about the dispute.
The Department of Justice explains the role of the Office of the Family Advocate in disputes concerning children and parental responsibilities. Ask your mediator or attorney how that role may relate to your matter.
Frequently asked questions
Is a divorce mediation consultation free?
Not necessarily. Some practitioners offer a short introductory call, while others charge for an intake appointment. Confirm the fee, duration and scope before booking.
Do both parties attend the first consultation?
It depends on the mediator’s process and the type of appointment. Separate intake discussions may come before a joint meeting. Ask who should attend when arranging the booking.
Do we need to agree on everything before contacting a mediator?
No. You can make an enquiry while important issues remain unresolved. It helps to identify what needs discussion and be willing to consider the process.
How many sessions will we need?
This depends on the issues, preparation, information available and progress in discussions. Ask for an initial estimate and agree how you will review time and costs as the process develops.
Will the mediator keep our information confidential?
Ask the mediator to explain confidentiality, record keeping, private discussions and any applicable limits or disclosure obligations. Read the agreement to mediate before sharing detailed information or starting sessions.
You do not have to resolve the entire dispute before asking for help. Start by finding someone with relevant experience and asking clear questions about suitability, process and fees.
Browse the Mediation Pan African mediator panel to compare areas of practice, locations and availability. Use a mediator’s profile to make an enquiry, or email [email protected] for help identifying a suitable panel member.
